This is what you came to see

I don't believe in New Year's Resolve. Honestly, I'm not rather sure, cause I've never done it before but i guess it takes a strong will for it to actually work out. So after three abominable months of the year have passed, I'm done with my resolve(s) for 2011, 2012, 2013(eventually?) etc until i'm sick of it(them). So, here it goes:

I. Look another year went by,
They keep passing by...
God damn, I didn't even die!

II. I woke up and I had a big idea-
To buy a new soul at the start of every year.
I paid up and it cost me pretty dear,
Here's a hymn to those that disappear.

Yes, i feel I'm kinda returning to my old habits again, the more independent and fatalistic ones maybe.

I've got a pair of Gohills boots, and I got fading roots...

Change coming?

… and then I look around and wonder: Is this my life? Seriously?!

But this is life, man. I wanna change it to something better, something different. You find yourself unable, helpless even to do whatever there is to be done. Rather, you do not know what is there to be done. You just… lose yourself in the same old, same old. In the indifference and sadness. In the loneliness. In the helplessness. In the despair. In the abyss of your inner nothing. You just sit and wait. For what? The cruel thing is you know it. Sometimes you say to yourself: “Okay, I can do this. I can change things. I can do whatever I want.” The truth is, you can’t. Lack of courage. Lack of motivation. And even if you do something, something big, that you’d thought it’d make a difference… Well, it wouldn’t. Because it’s still you. Only you.

We can change things. Some day… Any day. How it’d feel like no one knows.

Christmas

I love you all. I miss you all. It seems we've grown. It just happened way too fast. When will be the next time when we gather all together in one place? When somebody gets married? Has children? Passes away? I truly do not know but you are the friends that I will always remember. Because of the time we were such. Those were turbulent times, indeed. The world swirls around me fast enough not to notice many things. I need a break. I just need to have a drink and an idiotic chat with you guys. I need to stay home for a while, listen and talk about music with Dad during the morning coffee. I need to bug Mom a little. I need some time, a little break, that's all. Now as I read my last year's Christmas post, I think to myself: I couldn't have been more accurate. Love is all. I love you. That's what I wanted to say.

Saa ne...

"Поезията не е онова, което наричаме истина..."

В живота такива неща не могат да се случат. Ако това ще ви успокои, ги възприемайте просто като метафора. В края на краищата религиите по определение са метафори: Бог е блян, упование, жена, присмехулник, баща, град, дом с много стаи, часовникар, оставил прекрасния си хронометър в пустинята, някой, който ви обича и дори, противно на всяка логика, небесно същество, което се вълнува само от едно - футболният ви отбор, войската, фирмата и бракът ви да пребъдат и да процъфтяват, и да възтържествуват над всичко, което е срещу тях.
Религиите са място, където да застанем, да погледнем и да действаме, наблюдателници, от които разглеждаме света.


из "Американски Богове". Н.Г.

The choice you cannot make

Кой живот, коя пътека, кое бъдеще е правилното? Всички са правилни. Но кое ще избереш? Когато няма връщане назад, кое решение ще вземеш. Когато всяко твое лице вижда себе си по определен начин, а Аз-а, състоящ се от всички лица, но само един, е пред невъзможен кръстопът. Всичко е твърде относително. А часовника тиктака.

Всичко е възможно. Решенията, които взимаш, посоката, в която поемеш отварят още хиляди врати с непознати зад тях светове. И точно тези решения ни правят това, което сме. Не можем да се крием, не можем да избягаме. Всичко е в нашите ръце. Понякога чувстваш критичната точка, тази, от която започва цял лабиринт, а не само една права. Тогава е най-трудно. Но трябва да вземеш правилното решение.

Правилното за теб.